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Now we are at the last few days of the year, it's often time for reflection, renewal, and the setting of new goals. For those of us in ADHD marriages, it is challenging because ADHD symptoms like forgetfulness, distractions and lack of executive functions, could get in the way of achieving goals that both partners desire and need. How do we set resolutions that not only align with our personal aspirations but also cater to the unique dynamics of our relationships? In this final blog of the year, we'll explore practical tips for setting New Year's resolutions that can help both partners thrive in the coming year.
1. Reflect Together
Before diving into resolutions, take some time to reflect on the past year as a couple. What were your successes and challenges as a couple and individually? What aspects of your relationship would you like to strengthen? What aspects can each of you can work on individually to help you support each other better. Reflecting together fosters open communication and sets the stage for collaborative goal-setting.
Tip: Remember to always start with talking about success first. This will give the ADHD spouse a dopamine boost before talking about the challenges.
2. Identify Joint Aspirations
While personal goals are important, finding common ground is key to the success of resolutions in an ADHD marriage. Discuss and identify shared aspirations that both partners are excited about. This could be improving communication, spending quality time together, or working on specific challenges related to ADHD.
Tip: Remember it could take a lot of energy for your ADHD spouse to complete the same task than you. Don't create a giant list. Also, talk about what is the ideal outcome each wants to see to help each other understand the expectation.
3. Break Down Goals
ADHD marriages often benefit from breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. Instead of setting lofty resolutions, focus on actionable and realistic steps that can be achieved incrementally. This approach not only reduces overwhelm but also provides a sense of accomplishment along the way.
Tip: Use Goblin Tools to help both of you to create to do list and make the relevant edit as you both see fit. You can also delete steps on a to do list if it is not needed.
4. Create a Visual Plan
Visual aids can be powerful tools for individuals with ADHD. According to expert Dr. Russell Barkley, it is best for people with ADHD to write things down. Consider plotting all the steps in a shared physical calendar with due dates. This act alone help them "see" the plan and when it is due.
Tip: Leverage Google Mini or Amazon Dot to set audio reminders on each to do list. Set the reminders at any frequency that helps both of you to get things done.
5. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
Consistent communication is crucial in any relationship, especially in ADHD marriages. Schedule regular check-ins to discuss progress, celebrate achievements, and address any challenges that may arise. This ongoing dialogue ensures that both partners are actively involved in supporting each other's goals.
Tip: Discuss what the rewards are as each of you complete a step on the to do list. Remember ADHD spouse loves encouragement and rewards are incentives to get things done faster than the scheduled due dates.
Conclusion:
As we usher in the new year, let's embrace the opportunity to strengthen our ADHD marriages through purposeful goal-setting. Reflect, communicate, and support each other in creating a roadmap for the year ahead. By working together, you can navigate the unique challenges of ADHD and thrive as a couple in 2024. Here's to a year filled with growth, connection, and shared achievements in your ADHD marriage!
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