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In my last post, I shared insights on navigating life after my accident and the lessons I learned through that recovery process. However, as I reflect on the experience, I realize it could have been far more serious than it was. The impact from hitting the ground face-first, coupled with my temporary loss of basic self-care abilities due to a broken elbow, was a reminder of how fragile our independence can be—and how vital it is to be prepared for more severe situations.
Before the accident, I had a basic will and trust in place that solely focused on the scenario of ensuring my loved ones were taken care of if I am no longer around. But this close call revealed that my arrangements were not enough for either my own needs or for those who depend on me, in scenarios where I am alive but unable to care for myself.
After reflecting, I’m sharing a few strategic updates I’m making to my plan to hightlight things you might also consider. These changes aren’t just about ensuring I get the care I need if something unexpected happens. They’re also about easing the burden on my ADHD partner by addressing potential stressors before they arise. Having a well-thought-out plan not only prepares us for the worst, but it can also relieve much of the day-to-day stress that comes with living in an ADHD marriage.
1. Create a Personal Care Plan
I was lucky that the most serious injury from this accident was a broken elbow and that my aging parents could still step in to care for me and help transition that care to my ADHD partner when he was in a better, calmer state. However, during the period right after the accident and before my ADHD partner could take over, I needed and expected a certain level of daily care to help me stay as comfortable as possible while healing.
To help address these scenarios, one of the first things I started thinking about was adding a personal care plan. While you often hear about health directives, which provide instructions for medical decisions in cases where a person cannot communicate, such as end-of-life care, a personal care plan complements health directives by focusing on daily health management and ongoing care that encompasses non-end-of-life situations.
Key Takeaway: Adding a personal care plan helps ensure you receive the support you need without having to think about it when your mind should be focused on other things—like healing.
2. Updating My Health Directives with an Alternative Proxy
Sometimes, you don't know what you need until you experience it. Due to this accident, I realized how overwhelming it could get for my ADHD partner. While I have a lot of empathy for him, I also understand that there could be other situations where decisions need to be made quickly in order for me to receive care within the best time window.
This is why I’ve decided to update my health directives by adding an additional person as my alternative proxy. My ADHD partner will still be my primary proxy, but just in case he is unable or unavailable to act, my alternative proxy would step in to make healthcare decisions for me.
Key Takeaway: Adding an alternative proxy to my health directive ensures that I receive the care I need, even if my ADHD partner is unavailable. This gives me peace of mind knowing that I’ll get the right care at the right time.
3. Updating My Will & Trust to Include Someone to Manage Our Finances
When we set up our will and trust, I primarily thought about what would happen if I passed away. But this accident brought up an old fear of mine—what if I became incapacitated but was still living, and my ADHD partner forgot important financial tasks? I’ve handled most of our finances, so I worried that we could lose the house or our healthcare coverage because of missed payments on the mortgage or insurance premiums.
When drafting the original will and trust, I left the decision of having someone manage our finances to my ADHD spouse. At the time, he decided he didn’t need it because he felt he could handle it. However, after this accident, I saw how quickly my partner could feel overwhelmed by managing just my care alone. This experience showed me that having an someone we trust to help with managing our finances, other than my ADHD partner, is not just a preference, but a necessity (a.k.a. one of my new boundaries) for me. By adding someone to help us manage our finances, I can ensure that someone else will step in to handle these critical responsibilities. While my ADHD partner wasn’t super excited about this decision, he could see the reason for making this change.
Key Takeaway: Adding someone we trust to manage our finances provides a safety net that ensures our finances are taken care of if I’m unable to do so. This gives me peace of mind, and allows my partner to focus on caregiving rather than dealing with new household responsibilities, like paying bills, during a crisis.
Final Thoughts: Why You Need to Think About Your Own Plan
We all know life can change in an instant, and while it’s not a pleasant task, putting together these plans will be something you’ll be incredibly thankful for when the unexpected does happen. Additionally, there are affordable will and trust options out there that cost just a couple of hundred dollars—making it much easier to safeguard your future and your loved ones without breaking the bank.
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